Brightening Up Your Day!

The latest club craze is to fill a woman's vagina with vodka and then suck it out using a straw. Doctors are warning about the dangers of minge drinking

A farmer in Devon has made history by growing a field of dildos! Unfortunately he's had a lot of trouble with squatters!

85% of Liverpudlian males say they enjoy sex in the shower........ The other 15% haven't been to prison yet

I'm really p*ssed off! Someone's just crashed into my car in one of them new Skodas. There's f.......g jam and sponge everywhere!

Bastards! Just been thrown out & barred from the local swimming baths because I had my Speedo trunks on! What I didn't know was the 'S' had come off the logo!!

Just bought a racehorse called 'My Face', It may not be any good but I can't wait to hear all the women in the crowd screaming 'come on ... .My face

I've just been 2 my first Muslim birthday party! Musical chairs was a bit slow but f*ck me pass the parcel was fast!

2 Irish couples decide to swap partners.. Afterwards Paddy said to Murphy that's the best f*ck I've ever had, I wonder how the girls got on ?

If mothers Celebrate mothers day, fathers celebrate fathers day, lovers celebrate valentines day, do wankers celebrate palm sunday?

Paddy weighs 20st, so his doctor puts him on a diet. 'I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day and repeat this for 2 weeks, you should loose 5lbs.' When Paddy returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost 4st. 'That?s amazing the doc said'...Paddy nodded...'I'll tell you be Jesus, I taut I was gonna drop dead by da 3rd day.' 'What from hunger said the doc?'...'No from the f........g skipping!'

Just popped home, caught the plumber with his dick in the dog! Can't believe the police won't do anything! They said the b*stard was corgi registered

Are you available to come to a charity pancake competition on Shrove Tuesday? The organisers have the pans and the ingredients they just need a tosser.