HELL hath no fury like a woman scorned. Even, it seems, at the rather mature age of 75.
When her five-year affair ended in tears, Claire Burke took revenge on her former lover with a series of poison pen letters.
David Morse, she declared in a series of scathing notes and post- cards, was a conman with a taste for Viagra.
He had even pranced naked in front of a mirror, she explained in another. And in a third damning note, she announced he simply didn't wash very often.
The letters and cards were sent to Mr Morse and his ex-wife Doreen Royles, with whom he had rekindled a relationship after ending his romance with Burke, a court heard.
Mr Morse, a 69-year-old retired nuclear design engineer, said the mail had caused him sleepless nights and left him worried about leaving the house.
The court heard Burke sent three separate pieces of correspondence - the first a postcard in which she called Mr Morse a pervert and claimed he had paraded naked in front of her daughter.
The second was a letter sent to Miss Royles claiming Mr Morse was a conman, that he was taking Viagra and that he performed a sex act in front of a mirrored wardrobe.
The third message was a postcard questioning his personal hygiene.
Mr Morse, who broke up with Burke in April last year, told Gloucester magistrates he was sickened when he received the first postcard.
'I don't know what her object was in sending it other than I was starting to see Miss Royles. I assume she was trying to split us up,' he said.
He said the claim he had paraded about naked was a 'complete fabrication' and he denied being a pervert.
He also denied the claims in the letter to his ex-wife - including a suggestion that he owed Burke £23,000.
Burke told the court she and Mr Morse had parted company after she returned from a trip to Jersey to care for her sick daughter to find he had been seeing another woman. buy sildenafil online online new jersey
She said she had given him £10,000 on the promise of what he said was a good investment, then another £5,000, then £3,000 for an Isa and a further £5,000 when he needed money.
She told magistrates that Mr Morse had 'never had it so good' as when he was with her. She had even bought the shirt he was wearing in court, she claimed.
Burke, from Abbeydale, Gloucester, denied harassment between September 15 and December 2 last year. She claimed she was simply trying to get back her money.
But she was convicted and ordered to pay £940 in fines and costs.
The court also imposed a two-year restraining order, banning her from contacting Mr Morse and his ex-wife. buy sildenafil online maine
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Your Horoscope For Today
Your Horoscope For Today
Aries: You should avoid the high cost of living this week. A nice cave somewhere would help you cut expenses. Give up eating, as well. Get your gameboy and bring plenty of batteries.
Taurus: If nothing else, try being friendly with the pit bull down the street. Bring a hefty bone, or offer your own arm. Raise your caffeine intake and try to take in a few horror movies with a hostile in-law.
Gemini: They are watching you. Who “they” are is unknown, but they see your every move. One mistake, no matter how small, and “they” will descend on you. Steal socks from the laundromat.
Cancer: Getting ahead in life requires some drastic steps. Carry a baseball bat when you need to engage in “severe negotiations”. Got a traffic ticket? Get medieval! Daughter on the phone all day? Time for a spontaneous face-lift! Call Madam Wanda’s Psychic Hotline all day tomorrow and reverse the phone charges.
Leo: Wear cleats today. In fact, wear them every day! Get those really sharp kind. Perfect for walking over people as you barge through in life. Watch old Mister Ed re-runs with a gerbil companion.
Virgo: It’s time to get rid of your used bubblegum collection. You wonder why no one visits? That is why. Disgusting! Your lucky number is elephant.
Libra: Today is the day to do everything that your mother told you not to do. Go ahead and make that face. Who cares if it gets stuck that way? Finish your meal? Not for all the starving children in China! Furthermore, the folks at the office cannot get enough of those xerox copies of your nasal passages. Make plenty to go around!
Scorpio: Ah, to be in love! Too bad you are dating a convict. And he is getting out next week, isn’t he? Invest in deodorant. While you are at it, buy a lottery ticket. Hey, it could happen!
Sagittarius: Getting that feeling like you did all this before? Yeah, you have. You are stuck in an unbreakable time-loop and there’s no getting out. Try to get stuck in a pleasant moment, like when arranging flowers. Avoid getting stuck eating that same piece of brocolli for the mext hundred years.
Capricorn: Get off the couch and go empty your bank account! The world is coming to an end! Make sure that your insurance is paid up. Invest in higher education for sheep.
Aquarius: Milk. Drink lots of milk. Why? You need to dilute the poison someone just slipped you while you were reading this horoscope. No milk? Cancel Christmas. Drop two angry beavers into your bathtub just before bath time.
Pisces: Have you ever wished that you thought up that brilliant idea that was worth millions? Well, you did. Someone else just read your mind and stole it. On a side note, try to collect as much Monopoly money as you can, because the Dollar is going to sink faster than the Titanic!
Aries: You should avoid the high cost of living this week. A nice cave somewhere would help you cut expenses. Give up eating, as well. Get your gameboy and bring plenty of batteries.
Taurus: If nothing else, try being friendly with the pit bull down the street. Bring a hefty bone, or offer your own arm. Raise your caffeine intake and try to take in a few horror movies with a hostile in-law.
Gemini: They are watching you. Who “they” are is unknown, but they see your every move. One mistake, no matter how small, and “they” will descend on you. Steal socks from the laundromat.
Cancer: Getting ahead in life requires some drastic steps. Carry a baseball bat when you need to engage in “severe negotiations”. Got a traffic ticket? Get medieval! Daughter on the phone all day? Time for a spontaneous face-lift! Call Madam Wanda’s Psychic Hotline all day tomorrow and reverse the phone charges.
Leo: Wear cleats today. In fact, wear them every day! Get those really sharp kind. Perfect for walking over people as you barge through in life. Watch old Mister Ed re-runs with a gerbil companion.
Virgo: It’s time to get rid of your used bubblegum collection. You wonder why no one visits? That is why. Disgusting! Your lucky number is elephant.
Libra: Today is the day to do everything that your mother told you not to do. Go ahead and make that face. Who cares if it gets stuck that way? Finish your meal? Not for all the starving children in China! Furthermore, the folks at the office cannot get enough of those xerox copies of your nasal passages. Make plenty to go around!
Scorpio: Ah, to be in love! Too bad you are dating a convict. And he is getting out next week, isn’t he? Invest in deodorant. While you are at it, buy a lottery ticket. Hey, it could happen!
Sagittarius: Getting that feeling like you did all this before? Yeah, you have. You are stuck in an unbreakable time-loop and there’s no getting out. Try to get stuck in a pleasant moment, like when arranging flowers. Avoid getting stuck eating that same piece of brocolli for the mext hundred years.
Capricorn: Get off the couch and go empty your bank account! The world is coming to an end! Make sure that your insurance is paid up. Invest in higher education for sheep.
Aquarius: Milk. Drink lots of milk. Why? You need to dilute the poison someone just slipped you while you were reading this horoscope. No milk? Cancel Christmas. Drop two angry beavers into your bathtub just before bath time.
Pisces: Have you ever wished that you thought up that brilliant idea that was worth millions? Well, you did. Someone else just read your mind and stole it. On a side note, try to collect as much Monopoly money as you can, because the Dollar is going to sink faster than the Titanic!
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Brightening Up Your Day!
The latest club craze is to fill a woman's vagina with vodka and then suck it out using a straw. Doctors are warning about the dangers of minge drinking
A farmer in Devon has made history by growing a field of dildos! Unfortunately he's had a lot of trouble with squatters!
85% of Liverpudlian males say they enjoy sex in the shower........ The other 15% haven't been to prison yet
I'm really p*ssed off! Someone's just crashed into my car in one of them new Skodas. There's f.......g jam and sponge everywhere!
Bastards! Just been thrown out & barred from the local swimming baths because I had my Speedo trunks on! What I didn't know was the 'S' had come off the logo!!
Just bought a racehorse called 'My Face', It may not be any good but I can't wait to hear all the women in the crowd screaming 'come on ... .My face
I've just been 2 my first Muslim birthday party! Musical chairs was a bit slow but f*ck me pass the parcel was fast!
2 Irish couples decide to swap partners.. Afterwards Paddy said to Murphy that's the best f*ck I've ever had, I wonder how the girls got on ?
If mothers Celebrate mothers day, fathers celebrate fathers day, lovers celebrate valentines day, do wankers celebrate palm sunday?
Paddy weighs 20st, so his doctor puts him on a diet. 'I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day and repeat this for 2 weeks, you should loose 5lbs.' When Paddy returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost 4st. 'That?s amazing the doc said'...Paddy nodded...'I'll tell you be Jesus, I taut I was gonna drop dead by da 3rd day.' 'What from hunger said the doc?'...'No from the f........g skipping!'
Just popped home, caught the plumber with his dick in the dog! Can't believe the police won't do anything! They said the b*stard was corgi registered
Are you available to come to a charity pancake competition on Shrove Tuesday? The organisers have the pans and the ingredients they just need a tosser.
A farmer in Devon has made history by growing a field of dildos! Unfortunately he's had a lot of trouble with squatters!
85% of Liverpudlian males say they enjoy sex in the shower........ The other 15% haven't been to prison yet
I'm really p*ssed off! Someone's just crashed into my car in one of them new Skodas. There's f.......g jam and sponge everywhere!
Bastards! Just been thrown out & barred from the local swimming baths because I had my Speedo trunks on! What I didn't know was the 'S' had come off the logo!!
Just bought a racehorse called 'My Face', It may not be any good but I can't wait to hear all the women in the crowd screaming 'come on ... .My face
I've just been 2 my first Muslim birthday party! Musical chairs was a bit slow but f*ck me pass the parcel was fast!
2 Irish couples decide to swap partners.. Afterwards Paddy said to Murphy that's the best f*ck I've ever had, I wonder how the girls got on ?
If mothers Celebrate mothers day, fathers celebrate fathers day, lovers celebrate valentines day, do wankers celebrate palm sunday?
Paddy weighs 20st, so his doctor puts him on a diet. 'I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day and repeat this for 2 weeks, you should loose 5lbs.' When Paddy returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost 4st. 'That?s amazing the doc said'...Paddy nodded...'I'll tell you be Jesus, I taut I was gonna drop dead by da 3rd day.' 'What from hunger said the doc?'...'No from the f........g skipping!'
Just popped home, caught the plumber with his dick in the dog! Can't believe the police won't do anything! They said the b*stard was corgi registered
Are you available to come to a charity pancake competition on Shrove Tuesday? The organisers have the pans and the ingredients they just need a tosser.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
The "Thousand Meter Shitter"
Once upon a time, I was a young army lieutenant attached to an artillery battalion. We often found ourselves out in the woods for weeks performing endless training exercises with the cannons. (Our motto: shoot, move, communicate!) We moved around a lot! One or our favorite firing points was in a huge, sprawling meadow bordered by pine trees. For reasons, which I've never been able to figure out, the army, in its infinite wisdom, installed a massive cinder-block latrine in the middle of the meadow. It must have been 50 feet long and could accommodated 30-40 troops at a time....all this out in the middle of nowhere.
We typically installed the cannons against the tree line and would fire over this latrine to the impact area miles away. Many times during the day, a 'cease fire' would be called and all eyes would turn to see some lonely soldier, toilet paper in hand, making the long, hard trip across the distance to the latrine, usually with clenched buttocks. In short time, the latrine affectionately came to be known as the "thousand meter shitter".
At dusk one evening it was my turn to make the trek. The guns went silent and off I went, weapon, rucksack, and t-paper in hand. The 'facilities' consisted of 4 platforms covered with plywood out of which jagged holes had been cut with a saw. The holes were just smaller than your ass (so you wouldn't fall through) and positioned so that if every hole were occupied, the soldiers would literally be sitting "cheek-to-cheek". And did I mention the smell? Bad. Really fucking bad.
Anyway, no sooner had I 'dropped trou' when I heard the door slam and saw boots rounding the corner. Up stepped this grizzly, old noncom. He must have been about 60 years old. Out of all the open holes in the latrine to select from, where does he choose to park his ass? Right next to mine, of course. He dropped his fatigues to the floor and the next thing I know his hoary, gnarly, hairy arse is rubbing up against my thigh.
Being young and shy, I immediately forgot all about taking a dump. In fact, you wouldn't have been able to insert a sewing needle through my sphincter.
"How you doin' LT?", he grumbled. He then proceeded to light a smoke and get down to business. Let me tell you, I feel uncomfortable having a conversation while I'm shitting even if the other party is on the other side of a locked bathroom door. It was excruciating! And he wouldn't shut up, either. I didn't want to be rude, so I just kept my mouth shut and nodded a lot hoping he'd finish and toddle off.
Suddenly, in the middle of a sentence, his faced screwed up and turned red. He lifted a cheek, and I could sense he was about to punch out some ungodly, fetid turd. Then, his face relaxed. But, he held up his hand as if to say "shush...wait". About 5 seconds later we both heard the huge 'KER-SPLASH' of that monster hitting the viscous goo some 50 feet below. A big smile lit up his face. That was it for me. I hoisted my battle skivvies and without another word shot out of that stank hole and sprinted back to the battery area.
I guess I'm a big homo. I turned in my papers and resigned my commission 2 months later.
We typically installed the cannons against the tree line and would fire over this latrine to the impact area miles away. Many times during the day, a 'cease fire' would be called and all eyes would turn to see some lonely soldier, toilet paper in hand, making the long, hard trip across the distance to the latrine, usually with clenched buttocks. In short time, the latrine affectionately came to be known as the "thousand meter shitter".
At dusk one evening it was my turn to make the trek. The guns went silent and off I went, weapon, rucksack, and t-paper in hand. The 'facilities' consisted of 4 platforms covered with plywood out of which jagged holes had been cut with a saw. The holes were just smaller than your ass (so you wouldn't fall through) and positioned so that if every hole were occupied, the soldiers would literally be sitting "cheek-to-cheek". And did I mention the smell? Bad. Really fucking bad.
Anyway, no sooner had I 'dropped trou' when I heard the door slam and saw boots rounding the corner. Up stepped this grizzly, old noncom. He must have been about 60 years old. Out of all the open holes in the latrine to select from, where does he choose to park his ass? Right next to mine, of course. He dropped his fatigues to the floor and the next thing I know his hoary, gnarly, hairy arse is rubbing up against my thigh.
Being young and shy, I immediately forgot all about taking a dump. In fact, you wouldn't have been able to insert a sewing needle through my sphincter.
"How you doin' LT?", he grumbled. He then proceeded to light a smoke and get down to business. Let me tell you, I feel uncomfortable having a conversation while I'm shitting even if the other party is on the other side of a locked bathroom door. It was excruciating! And he wouldn't shut up, either. I didn't want to be rude, so I just kept my mouth shut and nodded a lot hoping he'd finish and toddle off.
Suddenly, in the middle of a sentence, his faced screwed up and turned red. He lifted a cheek, and I could sense he was about to punch out some ungodly, fetid turd. Then, his face relaxed. But, he held up his hand as if to say "shush...wait". About 5 seconds later we both heard the huge 'KER-SPLASH' of that monster hitting the viscous goo some 50 feet below. A big smile lit up his face. That was it for me. I hoisted my battle skivvies and without another word shot out of that stank hole and sprinted back to the battery area.
I guess I'm a big homo. I turned in my papers and resigned my commission 2 months later.
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